Is perfectionism our shield?

Aug 18, 2025

For many women in leadership, the answer is yes. Perfectionism isn’t vanity, it’s survival. We learn to excel not to shine, but to stay safe.

Studies show that socially prescribed perfectionism, the belief that others expect us to be flawless, is especially common among women in high-pressure roles (Hewitt & Flett, 1991). And as Brené Brown writes, perfectionism is not the same as healthy striving, it’s a “twenty-ton shield we carry around, thinking it will protect us from shame.”

Flawless emails. Measured tone. Unshakable presence. All signs of competence, and all, at times, masks for the quiet fear: “Will I still be respected if I’m human?”

But here’s what we’re not taught early enough: Perfection is not power. It’s protection. And it often costs us authenticity, connection, and ease.

What I’m learning, in leadership and in life, is this:

✨ Softness is not weakness. It’s not the opposite of strength, it’s the deepest form of it.

Research in trauma-informed and somatic leadership (Levine, Porges, Dana) shows that the ability to stay open, grounded, and connected, even in pressure, is a marker of resilience, not fragility.

(photo: Flamenco Fusion cu Rimini-Protokoll, la Sibiu, FITS 2025 Sebastian Marcovici)