Is perfectionism our shield?

Aug 18, 2025 | Actualități , Egalitate de șanse , Leadership

For many women in leadership, the answer is yes. Perfectionism isn’t vanity — it’s survival. We learn to excel not to shine, but to stay safe.

Studies show that socially prescribed perfectionism — the belief that others expect us to be flawless — is especially common among women in high-pressure roles (Hewitt & Flett, 1991). And as Brené Brown writes, perfectionism is not the same as healthy striving — it’s a “twenty-ton shield we carry around, thinking it will protect us from shame.”

Flawless emails. Measured tone. Unshakable presence. All signs of competence — and all, at times, masks for the quiet fear: “Will I still be respected if I’m human?”

But here’s what we’re not taught early enough: Perfection is not power. It’s protection. And it often costs us authenticity, connection, and ease.

What I’m learning — in leadership and in life — is this:

✨ Softness is not weakness. It’s not the opposite of strength — it’s the deepest form of it.

Research in trauma-informed and somatic leadership (Levine, Porges, Dana) shows that the ability to stay open, grounded, and connected — even in pressure — is a marker of resilience, not fragility.

(photo: Flamenco Fusion cu Rimini-Protokoll, la Sibiu, FITS 2025 Sebastian Marcovici)